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Listening to the Male Persuasion
Six Santa Fe Men Have Their Say
by Gershon Siegel
 ll right . . . so men are from hot, dry Mars and women are from Venus, a much
moister, more mysterious planet, and both sexes often seem to find
communication with the other tenuous at best or impossible at worst. So goes
the myth anyway.
Perhaps the problem stems not so much from hanging out on different celestial
bodies as it is a difference in orientation. Most women seem pretty comfortable
with talking about what's really going on inside themselves; inquire of a woman
how she's feeling, and she can take up a paragraph or two or more explaining
where she's at emotionally, psychically, spiritually. Men, on the other hand,
tend to be a little more evasive when speaking about the feeling part of their lives. They can be quite
proficient at discussing with vigor their latest business venture, their
investments and hobbies, and professional sports, but when asked about their
emotional temperature, they may deflect, ignore or even make jokes about the topic. Ask a man how he "feels," and he
might tell you he's hungry or tired or cold, or maybe, if he's really in touch with himself, worried about the outcome of his latest project or angry
because some jerk cut him off in traffic. Of course, this is Santa Fe and we are the City Different, so many of the men here, as you will see in the following
comments, don't buy into the typical male myth.
You'd think that after all these years of women's lib and all the SNAGs
(sensitive New Age guys) peopling the plethora of men's groups, we'd be tired
of ever again considering the differences between the sexes. But that does not
at all seem to be the case, and so, over the past decade, Sun Monthly, in honor of Father's Day, focuses on "the Masculine." And as in some previous
years, and also to balance out last month's homage to "the Feminine," we asked
an eclectic group of six local men to speak out on several subjects.
They were each invited to present a short biography, then to answer the five
following questions. Their array of responses, in true male fashion, covers the
gamut from heartfelt and witty to conveying their passion about their
businesses.
1. What's exciting for you in your life right now?
2. What do you like about being a man?
3. What's difficult about being a man? Are there certain pressures you
experience, goals you feel you need to make, etc.?
4. How does living in Santa Fe inspire or influence your life?
5. What do you look forward to (what do you envision for yourself) in the next
phase of your life?
Harry Shapiro
 am the co-owner and operator of Harry's Roadhouse along with my wife, Peyton
Young. I am involved in all aspects of running the business. I have a love for
food and for cooking, which is what brought me into the restaurant business in
the first place. My favorite days are when I can lose myself in the kitchen.
In my 20s, I went to graduate school for city planning and for education. While
I did pursue a career in teaching, I did not in planning. I like to feel that I
am putting it all to use now in the restaurant. We like to think that we are a
community gathering place. I am my work, my family and a few hobbies.
I struggled in many ways prior to moving to Santa Fe with many issues in my life
that were related to depression. Since moving here, a great weight has been
lifted, which has given me enormous energy and opportunity. This also coincided
with meeting Peyton. I feel fortunate and grateful to be where I am now; I have
never been happier and more fulfilled.
Current Passion: What's exciting in my life? Watching my daughter grow up, my wife, my new
mountain bike, a slab of black walnut that I discovered at "Sticks and Stones."
I am using it to design a Nakashima-style dining room table. We are also
getting the patio ready to open at the Roadhouse, and I am looking forward to
planting a vegetable garden at home.
Male Advantage: Definitely, having a penis — I don't know what I would do without it. Having lost my hair, not going to the
barber.
Male Difficulties: Definitely, having a penis, and losing my hair. Sometimes it is hard to eat
nails for breakfast seven days a week; as I age, it gives me indigestion.
Santa Fe Influence: I moved to Santa Fe from Philadelphia 17 years ago. When I lived in the East
everyone thought I was too laid-back; here people always tell me that I am too
intense and East Coast. So who knows? I was drawn to Santa Fe for many of the
same reasons that so many of us are: I love the mountains and skiing, hiking
and biking in them: also, the multiculturalism; the openness, both physical and
spiritual; the art scene; and meeting people from all over the world. Moving
here was definitely the best thing that I have ever done.
Future Vision: The next phase? Right now, I put in a lot of hours at work, but I often think that I would like to return
to teaching someday. I would also like to give more back to the community. I
have a real interest in politics and policy, although I definitely do not have
the personality and makeup of a politician.
For a long time, I have been concerned about how divided Santa Fe seems to be — economically, educationally, culturally. I would love to help bridge the gap.
Also, I feel very strongly about issues relating to immigrants' rights and
would like to find more time to give back to the immigrant community that has
given so much to me.
Doug Stewart
 tend to be a perpetual problem solver — it runs in my family. Not unusual, of course, for our gender. In fact, most of
us secretly would probably like to have a "Problems Solved" list emblazoned on
our forehead. But I find a problem-solving addiction can create as many
problems as it solves, especially with relationships. A mind whirling through a
problem just isn't much fun to be around. Right now my whirl is global
warming/climate change, possible gas/oil drilling in Santa Fe County, and where
we will find energy that won't do us all in. I've found that the worst news
we've faced in 10,000 years just isn't ideal cocktail party conversation. Or,
for that matter, pillow talk.
Current Passion: For me, it's now very exciting to be working with wonderful people on issues
that are rapidly becoming our biggest problems on this planet — ever. Closer to my heart is the excitement of being the recent adoptive dad of
a daughter . . . of experiencing the steep learning curve on the way to
becoming the best dad I can learn to be. There are times when change runs
rampant; for me, this is one of them.
Male Advantage: Certainly, being a man has its advantages in our corporate world, where only 6
percent of major CEOs are women. On the other hand, with most any kind of
gunfire, I'm more likely to be the target. And probably not live as long as my
female counterparts. Or know what to bring to a potluck. But as a man I can be
a dad — with not even enough hair left to have a bad hair day. I'm not seen as an easy
mark in a car dealership. And I'm (sometimes) strong enough to move furniture
that women friends cannot, still a point of manly pride.
Male Difficulties: For me, one of the difficult things is being in the same gender crowd as the
vast majority of the world's warmongers, rapists, muggers and child molesters.
That's just not a crowd I'm proud to be visually connected with; I much prefer
the Boston Red Sox. At my age, my two primary remaining goals are (1) to be the
best dad I can be, and (2) when I lay my head down for the last time, I'll feel
there were things about which I did the best I could. I've learned that I can't
ask more of myself than that.
Santa Fe Influence: Living in Santa Fe inspires me with its wealth of creative ideas and actions, as
well as meeting and working with those dedicated to carrying them out. The
frustration is that those doing interesting things are so busy doing them that we often can't find time to enjoy one another. My immediate Santa Fe
quandary, however, is, if we can't curb oil and gas drilling here, will I want
to continue living just eight to 10 miles from the toxic activities of an oil
field? Frankly, with what I've learned about the disasters in other
drilling-plagued areas of New Mexico, I think I'd be (very reluctantly) moving
on. That is, if I could leave while my home was still worth more than just the
weathered wood in my front deck.
Future Vision: I'm close to the next phase now, very close. A phase of letting go of even more
stuff . . . of sometimes living more in memories than in the present. A phase
where many of those close to me have already walked on. For me, the next phase
may be reading my still-unreads, again pointing my camera at what intrigues me,
and once more engaging the scripts my impatient mental casts are still
imploring me to write. Or perhaps I'll just sit back and let my then elderly
feet just rest a bit before also walking on. We'll see.
Duke Klauck
 y motto has always been, "If you can't be the best, be the only." I use Ten Thousand Waves as the medium to apply my unambitious philosophy.
"Spa" is such an ambiguous concept that whenever any aspect of the operation
threatens to become mainstream, I can step on that part and squeeze it into a
totally new direction. When hot tubs appeared in every backyard, I could create
a deluxe private bathing environment with seated showers, 9-foot soaking tub
and views of the mountains. When every hotel grew a spa, our spa grew an
Airstream trailer for overnight stays. Now that massage is available at any
salon, we'll be the only ones with "doctor fish" to eat dead skin off your
feet.
Current Passion: Constant change keeps me interested and excited.
I love certain aspects of Japanese culture — the sometimes quirky, over-the-top venues they've created to satisfy the urge
to bathe; the neighborhood bar/pub/restaurants called izakaya; the edgy film and anime. I'm really excited that Ten Thousand Waves is in the
midst of doing a major expansion incorporating some of these things that are
common in Japan, but rarely seen elsewhere.
Male Advantage: I'm thankful that it's easier in today's America to escape gender stereotypes. I
can be a guy, but still wear pink. It's OK to cry. I don't always have to
drive. I can work with strong women and not feel threatened (any more than I
would be if it's a man doing something equally scary).
Being a man has its advantages: No changing messy tampons on a moving train. Not
having to constantly fend off unwanted romantic advances. No visceral hormonal
reactions at the sight of a baby.
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Santa Fe Influence: Santa Fe is my place. I can be immersed in relative wilderness in five minutes,
yet take my pick of the kind of culture, entertainment and food usually only
available to city folk. My only regret: everywhere I look in this town,
everyone is as old as I am!
Future Vision: We're tripling the size of our bathhouses and making the bathing process more of
a Japanese-style ritual; we're adding an izakaya and new ceramic soaking tubs; we're doubling the size of our inn; we're showing
Japanese movies every Thursday night. And it's all becoming much more Japanese — or not. At least it's turning into something different from what people know.
When I start getting down to the bottom of the pile on my desk or fear that I'm
repeating myself, I become concerned. But, no worries. Since Japanese culture
is a little obscure to most Westerners, stealing their ideas satisfies my quest
to create the "only." And since there's so much I don't know about Japan, I
realize there's no danger of running out of the "new."
nate downey
 y wife, Melissa, and I decided to change the direction of our business 21/2
years ago. After a dozen years as landscape design and installation
contractors, we morphed our firm into one focused on landscape design. With two
boys in diapers, we felt a need to spend more quality time as a family, so even
though we enjoyed the community of the large (to us) company, we realized it
should try to liquidate and streamline. Now, instead of having 21 weekly
paychecks to sign, we pay ourselves and our extremely part-time bookkeeper
every two weeks.
Although I think I was pretty good at it, right now I really like not having to
hire, fire and then get up and go out and lead a score of people day in and day
out, year after year — a lot of emotional energy goes into all of that. Someday I may want to do it
again, but for now my "big boss man" days are mostly on sabbatical, and I like
it.
Current Passion: My first books, Harvest the Rain (Sunstone Press) and Roof-Reliant Landscaping™ (for the Office of the State Engineer) are both going to be published this
year. The former explains how anyone can participate in the pending water
harvesting revolution. The latter will be given away to New Mexico residents
who ask for a copy. Since the OSE has decided to trademark one of the titles I
suggested, the cunning linguist in me has become fittingly titillated.
During the process of writing my books, one night (or was it a morning?) I realized that the beer or glass of wine I
would have with dinner during the week (not to mention extras on the weekends)
were getting in the way of my productivity, so I've reduced my alcohol intake
by about 95 percent. It's been wonderful, but it has also been a complete
surprise — I used to love alcohol. Simultaneously, I became addicted to bicycle
transportation, so I'm happy about no longer being a 36-inch waist.
I added a hive to the garden last year, and although I haven't had as much time
for apiculture as I (or my bees) would like, whenever I get my butt into that
hive, it's a fantastic, natural buzz.
My diaper-changing days are, essentially, over. (Yessss!) Meanwhile, the four of
us are really good at telling each other that we love each other, and that's
incredibly exciting.
Male Advantage: Easy outdoor urination, no pressure to wear jewelry, having a deeper voice.
Male Difficulties: Since I bought into the whole women's lib thing in a big way long ago, I don't
know that the difficulties I face have much to do with my gender. Although I don't always enjoy them, I value the goal-oriented pressures often
associated with masculinity. Without pressure and goals, I'd be a couch potato.
Santa Fe Influence: I love Santa Fe. For a small pond, it's extraordinarily diverse, intensely
progressive and pleasantly laid-back. But if it weren't for the breakfast
burritos con chile verde, heaven only knows where I'd be right now.
Future Vision: Given three billion years of photosynthesis culminating in what we call "human
consciousness," I look forward to doing my part to save civilization from
itself while still maintaining time for family, friends and gardening.
LD Burke
 used to say I was a "designer." Today I say I'm an "industrial designer" so
you'll know I do more than pick out wallpaper and pillow covers. Starting out
in San Francisco doing advertising, I progressed to graphics, then on to
Chicago, where I designed textbooks and soon "corporate identity programs."
Sick of slick office interiors, clever corporate in-town apartments, and an
occasional private-jet interior, I switched to suburban development. I caught
the tail end of the Texas oil boom in Houston, where it was suggested that
since I was so weird Santa Fe should be my home, and I moved here in '83. The
first year I sculptured and painted and did every "New Age" workshop and
therapy available. I emerged with a changed consciousness.
Old New Mexican furniture caught my attention, and I began designing my own
version. Soon it evolved into Western or "cowboy" furniture; that took off. I
caught the cresting wave of the Western craze of the mid-'80s, geared up, hired
some loyal, hardworking Salvadorians, and designed a workshop and showroom: the
Pink Church on Pacheco Street.
The following years I designed the nursery behind the church, Fatalya Coyote (a gargoyle building on Second Street), the Twin Towers at Jackalope, and the
Granaries at Sixth and Hopewell.
Current Passion: An authentic "green" residence is very challenging and intriguing: solar
electric, passive solar heat, aircrete block construction, rainwater and
greywater collection, solar hot water, all natural materials, to mention a few
of the real energy-efficient systems available.
Male Advantage: I like the freedom and power a man has in our culture. But being close to a
woman is the best thing! Incidentally, I just finished a hormone treatment
where my testosterone was replaced with estrogen. For four months I experienced
the full "female" experience: hot flashes, night sweats, unexplained fat
pockets . . . no crying jags — but men don't cry. Wrote some very touching poetry, fell deeply in love with
our two Shelties, became very bitchy to my long-suffering wife, and realized clearly that I'd much rather be a
man.
Male Difficulties: The tough thing about being a man is not being able to cry or connect with other
men in a soft and sensitive way. Yuck, that sounds so gay! Since I'm about past
any goals, the speed and pressure of having to be "great" has become boring.
Santa Fe Influence: The only remarkable place left in the United States is Santa Fe . . . for me,
having lived in 10 states and two other countries, this is it! Sure, this is the City "Indifferent" and the infrastructure is
"dysfunctional," but there are so many great people and fantastic talents and
people who don't think we should obliterate Iraq that I love it . . . and the
climate and the access to the great outdoors and remarkable clear air!
Future Vision: At 73, I'm probably on to the final stage of my life. The direction our country
has been on is appalling! Can anyone imagine thousands of corporate executives
who value profit over the lives of their children? I'm afraid our only hope is
Barack Obama. The question is, can he wake up the Stepford culture to seize
control of our country and wrench it away from the corporate greed control?
Darby McQuade
 was born in Logan, West Virginia, on October 17, 1942, the fifth of 15 children.
My father was a coal miner like his Irish ancestors. By age 3, I was learning
mostly about things to fear and avoid, especially things like being poor, being
"trash," as my father referred to some of our neighbors, being weak and being
lazy.
About this time I decided that no one other than myself was going to define me.
Resourcefulness became my best friend. I began selling cucumbers from our
garden to the neighbors and also learned that I could get a penny each for pop
bottles at the grocery store. I had currency! I could buy a piece of candy if I
wanted. This was magic! Possibilities, rather than fear, began to shape my
thoughts.
In about 20 years my father and I would be commuting together from Westchester
County to Manhattan, he as president of a major coal company to his office on
Fifth Avenue and me, with an MBA, to a securities firm on Wall Street. Neither
of us made a lasting impression in New York. The coal company went bust during
an energy downturn, and I left on a motorcycle in 1968 to join the summer of
love in San Francisco. I came to Santa Fe in 1976 and started Jackalope out of
the back of a truck.
Current Passion: I am very interested in the spiritual possibilities of my life. I am interested
in giving back by creating possibilities in the lives of others and ensuring
that Jackalope is that kind of business.
I am excited that my sons are growing up to be wonderful, creative, heart- and
passion-driven artists. I am excited about building a new house on a site that
is rural and full of light — a place where I can spend less time on daily operations and where my dog,
Buddie, can run.
I am excited about creating a Jackalope Internet business. I love the
possibility of not being exclusively tied to buildings, location, real estate
and cars driving by. I see e-commerce as more efficient, more flexible, more
democratic and infinitely more green. I missed out on the excitement of the New
Frontier when the West was opened up. (I probably would have been the guy in an
apron sweeping the porch of my general store.) I believe the Internet is the
new retail frontier for our generation. Watch for our new Web store!
The Male Question: I am excited about changes in my relationships with women — moving from fear of being controlled to the excitement of sharing. I love that
my perception of being a man has changed to being inclusive and inventive.
Santa Fe Influence: I see creativity as the key element in my personal and business life. Santa Fe
is fertile ground for creative endeavors.
Future Vision: I look forward to the new Railyard, the Rail Runner commuter train, Tom Udall in
the U.S. Senate, and Barack Obama in the White House.
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